Kerri vs Monday of the 8 week gym program

So I'm waiting for the family I live with to go to work before i'm off to get my sport gear on. Then i'll have a couple of hours to myself, so i'll attack this 8 week gym program before treating myself to a 5k or something.

But I already have a problem. 

"Uh oh" face

I don't understand the program. 

No Joke. 

So, don't worry the program I linked you to is in English, yay! And it is a good well rounded program. It's just the only exercise listed for Monday that I actually know is squats. I also am not actually in a gym. Cycling and stair master are going to be fun..... 

Bring. It. On. 

If I want to climb a mountain i'm going to have bigger problem right? So stair master will just be doing them steppy exercises on the actual stairs for 10 minutes... Cycling can just be lying on my back pretending to cycle. 

And here's some definitions of the other exercises: 

Squats: Where you look like you're going to the toilet but there's not a loo there

Leg extensions : The one where you sit down then straighten your legs lifting the thing up. Gym necessary.

Kerri's alternative: I'll sit on a chair and lift up a book or something... 

Leg curl: Where you lie on your front and kinda curl your leg up on the machine. Gym necessary. 

Kerri's alternative: lie on my bed and curl my legs up? 

Calf raises: Where you have just your toes on a step, and then go up onto your tip-toes! Yay! 

Toe Pulls: Where you get drunk and make out with your foot...... sorry WHAT?! Ok really, attach a band around something. put your foot in it, make it taught then extend your toes back towards you - hold for a second then realease. Keep going til reps done. 

Hyper Extensions: like a backwards sit up but needs exercise. 

Kerri's alternative: do the bird dog exercise. Basically, get on your hands and knees. NOW. Thanks. Ok now bring one arm forwarrd and parallel with the floor, whilst at the same time doing that with the opposite leg.... Awesome! Now alternate! Does the same thing but you can do it at home. 'Mazing. 

Crunches : Sit up but the lower back stays on the floor. Got it? Sweet

Leg Raises: Lie flat on your back. Keep your legs straight and lift them up, and put them down. Now it's written to do 2 sets of 20 reps of this. If I remember right this exercise isn't easy (well, not for us chubbier members of society anyhow)... This one will hurt. 

So there's kinda an idiots guide to which machines to go on in the gym on the Monday - or how you can do it in your own home. 

It's the first day so i'm probably going to suck. BUT I hope by Christmas (4 Mondays time), i'm at least improving. Rome wasn't built in a day right?